A Path Forward From Self-Harm and Substance Use
If you’ve ever felt like you’re standing in your own way, making choices that push people away, derail your goals, or worsen the pain you’re trying to escape, you’re not alone. Many adults, young adults, and older teens find themselves trapped in patterns of self-sabotage.
It can look like:
- Staying in — or going back to — relationships that leave you feeling broken.
- Using alcohol or drugs to numb difficult feelings.
- Struggling with eating patterns that hurt your health.
- Feeling bursts of anger that damage connections.
- Thinking, “It would be easier if I just didn’t exist.”
These patterns aren’t a sign of weakness. They’re often the result of deep, unresolved emotional pain and personality structures that developed to protect you in the past, but now hold you back.
At The Kimberly Center for Personality Development and Integrated Healing, we help young adults break these cycles, heal, and start living a life that feels worth waking up to.
Why Self-Sabotage Happens (And How Our NYC Treatment Helps)
Research shows that self-sabotaging behaviors often begin as coping mechanisms in childhood or adolescence. They might have helped you survive conflict, trauma, or unstable relationships. But as you grow, they can start to work against you, destroying trust, blocking opportunities, and keeping you from the stability you want.
Personality disorders and personality traits — such as borderline, narcissistic, or avoidant patterns — can make these cycles even harder to break. When compounded by substance use, eating disorders, or intense relationship conflict, you may feel trapped in a loop you can’t escape.
Here’s the truth: Self-sabotage is not a life sentence. With expert supportive therapy, these patterns can be understood, managed, and replaced with healthier ways of coping.
Common Myths About Self-Sabotage
- Myth 1: “If I just had more willpower, I could stop.”
Reality: Self-sabotage is often rooted in deeply ingrained emotional responses—not laziness or lack of discipline. - Myth 2: “It’s just who I am. I can’t change.”
Reality: While your personality traits are part of you, they are not fixed. Evidence-based therapies can help you reshape emotional and behavioral patterns. - Myth 3: “Therapy won’t help because I’ve tried before.”
Reality: Many people improve when they find the right kind of therapy—especially approaches designed for personality challenges, emotional regulation, and self-destructive behavior.
Our Intensive Outpatient Program: Deep Change, Not Quick Fixes
At The Kimberly Center, we don’t just focus on stopping one behavior. We help you understand the underlying patterns so that you can create lasting change.
Our expert psychologists and therapists provide individual therapy (personalized sessions to explore triggers, patterns, and healthier choices) and group therapy. Our groups are a safe space to learn new skills, practice communication, and gain peer support.
In therapy, you can expect our team to draw from specialized approaches — including:
- TFP (Transference-Focused Psychotherapy) — helps you understand how past relationships influence present struggles.
- DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) — teaches emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and healthier ways to cope.
- Attachment-based and relational therapies — repair early wounds that affect self-worth and trust.
- IFS (Internal Family Systems) — helps you understand and work with different “parts” of yourself.
- Mindfulness-Based Therapy — builds awareness and choice in the moment.
- Psychiatric collaboration — we can coordinate with your prescribing provider to ensure your care is fully supported.
Your Goals, Our Mission
Our work together can help you:
- Reduce self-sabotaging behaviors — so you stop undoing your progress.
- Reduce suicidal thoughts — and avoid suicidal behaviors.
- Build healthier relationships — with family, friends, and partners.
- Recover from substance abuse — so you have the clarity and stability to focus on your goals.
- Improve emotional regulation — reducing anger, shame, and impulsive decisions.
- Heal from eating disorders — restoring a healthy relationship with food and body.
What Change Looks Like
One of our clients, a 26-year-old young professional, came to us after losing yet another job and ending another volatile relationship. She described herself as “broken” and believed nothing would ever work. Through a combination of DBT skills training and psychodynamic exploration, she began to recognize her triggers, communicate her needs without exploding, and slowly rebuild trust with her family.
It wasn’t quick or easy. But over time, her self-sabotaging behaviors decreased, her suicidal thoughts subsided, and she began to see herself as capable of building a future worth protecting.
You Don’t Have to Keep Living This Way
Self-sabotage can make life feel small, hopeless, and repetitive. But the fact that you’re here means something in you believes change is possible.
We’ll help you understand the patterns that hold you back and guide you toward healthier, more fulfilling ways of living.